Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
