No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
