I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
