bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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