I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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