Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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