Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
