fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
