trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
