i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
