Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
