You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
