God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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