at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
