it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
