First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish i was in the wii world.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
