I have demons in me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
