Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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