It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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