do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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