just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
