now i know why i became what i already was.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
