So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
