Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
