Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
is that a dick in a sweater?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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