Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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