From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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