I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
