I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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