Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
