Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
