On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
