Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
