do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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