but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
