I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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