so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
