Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
