We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
And then he peed in my hair
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