I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
