is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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