just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
