Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
