you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
