God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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