Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
