My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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