Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
