if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
