What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont even know how to be here
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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