I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
