At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't turn off my feet"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
