Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
