Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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