So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
