Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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