I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
