This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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