U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
