The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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