I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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