and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
