My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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