Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
