I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize