The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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