I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
