"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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