Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
