no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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