Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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