I just threw up on my dentist
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
