I bet he comes in French.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
