A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
