Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...