i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
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there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid