wakey wakey hands off snakey
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
