so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.