So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.