first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.