You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?