mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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