Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong