so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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