hotel room ftw
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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