Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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