pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
